6 Janvier 2016
"If he was the right guy you wouldn't have felt that way. You would have made the time because you wanted to be with him."
Shaw was quickly become an honorary member of my family. As much as it galled me, she was the only one who really, truly understood the depth of my pain when it came to losing him.
"Of course I loved Remy, loved like a brother, like the best friend and consummate protector he has been, but I loved Rule like it was my mission in life. I loved him like it was inevitable, like no matter how many times I was shown what awful idea it was, what a bad match we were, what a callous asshole he could be, I couldn't shake it. So each and every time I hade to have the fact that he didn't even think of me as more than a carpoool driver shoved in my face it tore a little bit more of my battered heart apart.
"You never wanted me."
I was stunned I just let my mouth fall open. "Uh...I'm pretty sure you can feel the proof that's not true. In fact, you just had your hot little hands all over it.'
She shook her head and her silky blond hair rubbed accross my chest. "That's not what I mean."
"Rule, it's my birthday and my life is a freaking mess most of the time. Can you just for once do something nice for me, please?"
"Do you want to hear that every day my heart broke a little more because Rule had no idea I was alive? Do you want to hear that without your mom and dad I would have probably forced into some boarding school and then some hallowed Ivy League college just so my parents didn't have to deal with me? Come on, Rome, what do you really want to know?"
By the time I was done my voice was bitter and I had twisted my napkin into a little ball on my lap.
"Why did Remy keep you si close if he knew you were tangled up by Rule?"
"So you've been in love with my brother since you're fourteen?"
I snorted. "Pretty much, and everyone else in the world seems to know it but him."
I'm sorry. I didn't do it to hurt you. I'm just an idiot and this is harder than I thought.
"Because it's always been you even when I didn't want it to be, even when it broke my heart over and over again. It's just always been you."
"Here's my heart, Shaw. You have it in your hands, and I promise you're the first and last person to ever touch it. You need to be careful with it because it's far more fragile than I ever thought, and if you try to give it back I'm not taking it. I don't know enough about lore to know for sure that's what this is between us, but I know that for me it's you and only you from here on out. I can only promise to be careful and not push you aay again. Life without you on it is doable, but if I have a choice I want to do it with you by my side, and I'me telling you I'm not running away from the work it takes to make that happen. Shaw, I'm not scared of us anymore."
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